By Denise Renée Purdie
I often blog about subjects I’m passionate about and also sometimes some random events. But I wanted to start talking about some different things so I asked some friends to give me some topics. The funny thing is sone of them suggested relationship topics. I was like 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ I’m certainly no expert, but of course relationships are super important to a lot of people so maybe I should do a few of those here and there.
I have started writing ✍🏾 a book on relationships but I haven’t focused on getting that done because I kind of wanted to have an engagement or (second) marriage to give myself more credibility, but at the end of the day, I have lived 52 years so I’ve learned a few things! Often experience teaches you what NOT to do and that sometimes can be more useful than what to do.
So, what are four things I have learned through the three relationships I have had …
Be not unequally yoked. I’m a Christian and I stand on this one. But it’s not just about your religious outlook … it’s really about looking at making sure you are compatible on as many levels as possible. Finances. Sexual mores and frequency. Money mantras. Travel 🧳 destinations. Environmental compatibility: does one of you love cold weather and the other one prefers the beach?
Don’t go for compromises. Go for win-wins. When I was taking my negotiation class during my first master’s, I discovered that the most successful negotiations give both parties as much of what they want as possible so they are happier with the outcome.
Learn to be selfish and selfless at the same time. You want to make sure your partner gets as much of the things that they love as possible, but you want to make sure that you do too. If you are both working to make sure that the other one has their best life, you are going to come out roses each time.
Work on your relationship like you work on your job. Just like you have goals and performance reviews at work, create those for your relationship. It is so easy to take each other for granted and drift, but you really want to make sure that your partner is happy and on track and the only way to find that out is to do periodic inventories, and spend time with each other. In addition to date nights, do retreats and teambuilding activities!
And last but not least, I encourage you to think about whether those “situationships” are really providing what you need and want. You deserve to be happy in this life and you deserve to get everything you want!
xoxo
Renée / Ms. Rising Star